


Saturnalia

by Whedonista93



Series: Big Crime Theory [1]
Category: Crimes of Fashion (2004), The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, F/M, Gen, Penny is Brooke, Pre-Relationship, Small Fandom, mob boss Penny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 11:29:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21898945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whedonista93/pseuds/Whedonista93
Summary: Brooke Taylor grows up a nobody. Brooke Sarto takes the world by storm. Penny Taylor is a wannabe actress from Nebraska whose old beater car barely makes it to California.
Relationships: Sheldon Cooper/Brooke Sarto, Sheldon Cooper/Brooke Taylor, Sheldon Cooper/Penny
Series: Big Crime Theory [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1577500
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	Saturnalia

**Author's Note:**

> For those who haven't seen Crimes of Fashion, it's a wonderfully cheesy movie about a fashion student (played by the fabulous Kaley Cuoco) who becomes a mob boss.

Brooke Taylor grows up a nobody. Just another face in the system. 

Brooke Sarto, on the other hand, takes the world by storm. There’s a few months of peace after Sal gets taken down - most of the other mob factions smart enough to keep their heads down. It’s long enough for George to settle in as dean, Brooke to graduate and rebrand their little dress shop into Brooke Sarto Designs, and Jack to add a few more commendations to his blooming career. Unfortunately, it turns out shifting a mob operation into a legitimate enterprise, _ and _ taking out the competition, all in one fell swoop, is the kind of thing that only works in movies.

Four months after Brooke graduates, another mob boss steps in and takes over one of her territories. A month after that, Brooke sees just how desolate the standard of living is under a standard mob regime. When she looks at George, wide-eyed and lost, he shrugs, eyes full of grief and guilt and says, “You’re the boss.” She breaks up with Jack the next day. Three weeks later, the territory is hers again, but she doesn’t think she’ll ever close her eyes without seeing blood again. The day after the territory is officially theirs again, George starts taking her to a gun range, cousin Frankie becomes her shadow, and they enroll her in a self defense class uptown.

She loses and takes back two more territories, in addition to taking another that was never hers to begin with.

Brooke Sarto Designs expands; she has couture in shops in London and Paris, and lines in three major department stores across the country. She’s featured in Vogue twice in her first year of business. 

The fourth time someone tries to take something of hers, they throw a molotov cocktail through one of the dress shop windows. It’s the first time she pulls a trigger on something other than an inanimate target. She throws up as soon as she gets home, and cries into George’s shoulder for an hour.

Jack shows up at their door the morning after with pictures that make her throw up again as he reluctantly issues an order not to leave town. Brooke knows no charges will ever stick - all they have is a missing mobster and lot of blood in a warehouse far out of her territories. His body is in the bay and the gun pieced out in a few rivers somewhere, and the feds will never find either. She knows for a fact there’s no sign of her anywhere in that warehouse.

As soon as the air clears, George tells her to decide who she wants to be now and promises him and Frank will sort everything.

Penny Taylor is a wannabe actress from Nebraska whose old beater car barely makes it to California. She makes friends with her nerdy neighbors, works a shitty waitressing job at the Cheesecake Factory, and doesn't know anything about mafiosos beyond Hollywood. She drools over fashion magazines and let's her friends assume it's over the clothes she can't afford rather than missing seeing her own designs in the glossy pages back in a time when she could still claim her own name. The persona of ditsy, clueless blonde falls back into place easily enough, but never feels quite right.

  
***

She's shopping with Sheldon - had literally drawn the short straw on taking him Christmas, sorry, _ Saturnalia_, shopping - when it all starts to unravel. All things (i.e. Sheldon) considered, it’s actually proving to be an enjoyable trip until a voice from the past snaps her violently out of her happy little bubble.

“Brooke!”

Penny freezes momentarily at the familiar voice and prays that Sheldon doesn't notice. She risks a glance up. No such luck. He's stopped in his tracks and is flicking his eyes between Penny and the man approaching curiously. It gives Marcus a chance to catch up and Penny braces herself.

“Brooke!” Marcus smiles broadly. “I knew it was you!”

Penny smiles politely. “I'm sorry, do I know you?”

Marcus pouts. “Oh come on, Brooke, don't be like that!”

“Penny?” Sheldon hesitantly edges closer to her, anxiety clear in every line of his body.

Something like understanding dawns on Marcus’ face. “Oh! I get it. You're like, incognito.”

Penny actually surprises herself with how quickly she loses patience. She grabs Marcus by the arm and hauls him down a nearby empty hallway. “Okay, Marcus, I'm only gonna say this once. So listen _ closely_. Capiche?”

Marcus nods.

“You remember all those questions you asked me on our one and only date?”

Another nod.

“I will hire every single one of those old wiseguys to work you over, then throw you in the nearest convenient bay myself if you tell _ anyone _ you saw me, got it?”

“Y-y-yeah. No, of course. Never saw ya. I mean, who the hell is Brooke Sarto anyway, right?”

Penny pats his cheek. “Atta boy. Now go away.”

Marcus scrambles.

Sheldon gapes.

Penny groans. “Shit.”

“Penny, I… I find myself in an unfamiliar predicament. I believe one might label it confusion.”

Penny smiles tightly. “Sheldon.... Okay, look, you’re probably the only person here I’m willing to explain this to right now, but if I do that, you’re gonna have to learn how to lie. I want you to think on whether or not you can do that while I make a phone call.”

Sheldon nods slowly. “I find those terms agreeable.”

Penny offers a slightly less tense smile as she digs her second cell phone from the depths of her bag. 

“Hello, angel,” George greets warmly.

“I’m coming home,” Penny says in lieu of greeting.

“Now?”

“Soon.”

“Sweetheart, the effort it took to set up this cover…”

“I’m no good at it, grandpa. I am bored out of my mind. I miss the family, I miss the work, and I miss my _ clothes _. Besides, I just ran into Marcus at the mall.”

“That kid can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life.”

“Sure can’t.”

George heaves a sigh. “Fine, but if you’re coming back, you’re doing it right. There’s a safety deposit box under Penny Taylor at USC on Flower in Los Angeles. They won’t ask for I.D. once you give them your name. The key is taped under the back seat on the driver’s side of your car.”

Penny squeals. “You’re the best!” She grabs Sheldon’s arm. “Come on, Moonpie, we’ll finish shopping in a bit, we’re going to the bank.”

“Penny, I must request you desist in touching my person. And only Memaw calls me Moonpie.”

Penny rolls her eyes, but releases his arm.

“Penny, we have a schedule to keep.”

“I’m altering it. I promise we will have enough time.”

Sheldon sighs, the very picture of ‘put upon’. “Very well.”

She beams and smacks a kiss on his cheek, just to freak him out.

“Penny!”

She laughs and turns her attention back to the phone. “See you soon, grandpa.”

“Are you bringing your friend with you?”

Penny watches Sheldon furiously rubbing a disinfectant wipe over his cheek while glaring at her and tries not to laugh. “Maybe. I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Talk to you later. Love you.”

“I love you too, angel.”

Penny ushers Sheldon out to the car and unceremoniously dumps the few purchases they’ve already into the backseat, much to Sheldon’s dismay. “There’s nothing breakable in there, relax.” She rolls her eyes as she feels around under the seat until she feels the key and pulls it out with a triumphant shout.

Sheldon is wrapped up in his own head enough that he only tightens his lips in response to her whipping through L.A. traffic, and he doesn’t complain when she makes him wait in the car while she goes into the bank.

She waits patiently for the tellers to serve the few people in front of her before stepping up to the counter with a smile. She holds the key up. “Hi. I need to access my box. Penny Taylor.”

The teller goes pale and wide-eyed. “Miss Taylor! Of course, right away.”

Penny is grateful the teller leaves her alone in the room, because she nearly squeals at the contents of the box. The garment bag holds one of her suits from her first line, along with a shoulder holster and a 9mm. The Jimmy Choos and Coach purse at the bottom of the bag are nice additions. The wad of cash, car keys - the address for a long-term parking garage less than a block away taped to the fob - and gleaming black and platinum cards inside the purse sweeten the deal even more. She composes herself and requests a bathroom to change in, savoring the feel of quality material sliding over her skin. She tucks the gun into the purse and the holster back into the garment bag with her other clothes before practically skipping (metaphorically, anyway, she’d snap her neck trying to skip in these heels) out of the bank and dragging Sheldon down the block to the car park. She’s so excited she doesn’t really register Sheldon’t lack of protest at her manhandling him until she’s shoving him into the front seat of the gleaming Audi. She settles herself into the driver's seat before turning to him.

“Moonpie?”

Sheldon jerks. “Only Meemaw calls me Moonpie.”

Penny smiles. “What’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours?”

Sheldon opens his mouth, then closes it again and simply holds out his phone. He’s Googled ‘Brooke Sarto’.

“Shit,” Penny curses. “Damn Marcus and his bigass mouth and damn your perfect memory.” She takes a deep breath. “So?”

“Is it true?”

Penny shrugs. “Kinda.” She turns the ignition and shifts into drive, for once keeping her eyes completely on the path in front of her. “When I was in my final year of college-”

“-you went to college?”

Penny chuckles. “You didn’t read that in your Googling?”

Sheldon shrugs stiffly.

Penny nods. “I have a degree in fashion design and a very successful business.”

“I see. Continue.”

“Your whole friendship contract… is there some kind of confidentiality clause?”

Sheldon looks at her strangely, but nods. “If you request it, whatever you choose to tell me will be kept in strictest confidence.”

“I’m requesting it.”

“Very well.”

“So this guy, George, came and told me that my grandfather died. Eventually, he explained that my grandfather was the head of a local mafia and they wanted me to take over, turn the family straight. We actually thought we succeeded for a while. But things are never so simple. We went straight, and other families tried to come in and take over our territories. The way they treated the people who lived and worked in those neighborhoods… I couldn’t take it. We took the neighborhoods back. I kept our businesses legitimate, but I also let my guys resort back to some rather gratuitous violence. I resorted to it myself when someone targeted my dress shop. The FBI was never able to make any charges stick, but my grandfather thought it would be a good idea for me to disappear for a while an-”

“Previously you stated that your grandfather died.”

Penny lifts her hand from the gearshift and waves vaguely. “Oh, right. He faked it when one of his cousins died. George was actually my grandpa.”

“I see. Proceed.”

“So, George took things back over and I became Penny. But that guy we ran into, Marcus… I went to school with him. He was a promising model with an unfortunate obsession with mobsters.When modeling didn’t work out he became something of a peon for for some of the local families. They’ll know who and where I am by tomorrow morning if they don’t already. And honestly… I was kinda ready to go home anyway. I love you guys, but I miss myself. I miss my life.”

“So you’re leaving us?”

If she didn’t know him so well, she probably wouldn’t catch the strain in his voice. She whips into a parking space and turns to face Sheldon. “Not exactly.” The only word she knows for the look he gives her is beseeching, and she remembers how difficult change can be for him. “Sheldon, yes, I’m going back to Boston. I’ve been gone too long. But… I want you to go with me.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You’re trying. I know you’re trying, but things have been tense since you guys came back from the Arctic, sweetie. I’ve told you from that day that I’m on your side. I think getting away from the guys and away from CalTech would be good for you. There’s schools in Boston you could work with.”

“Why would you want me to… Penny, I do not understand.”

She reaches over and briefly squeezes his arm. “You’re my friend. You’re not happy here. And there are people who might come after people I care about when I go back. I kinda like the idea of keeping you where I can keep you safe.”

“May I think about it?”

Penny smiles and releases his arm. “Of course. Let’s finish our shopping. I’ll stick around until Christmas, but I want to be back in Boston by New Years. So… decide by Christmas?”

Sheldon nods slowly. “Very well.”

She offers him a final smile before climbing out of the car and heading toward the mall. The rest of the day settles into the same pleasant routine their morning had started with and the topic doesn’t come up again until they make it back to their apartment complex that evening. Sheldon stops on the landing between their apartments and fiddles with his bags.

Penny rolls her eyes. “Whatever it is Sheldon, just ask.”

“I was going to bid you goodnight, but I find I am uncertain how to refer to you in light of new facts.”

Her expression softens. “Brooke… you can call me Brooke.”

Sheldon nods decisively. “Good night, Brooke.”

She impulsively kisses his cheek then flees before he can scold her, calling over her shoulder as she goes, “Good night, Sheldon.”


End file.
